Gazerina (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} superfurrygaz) wrote,@ 2005-09-01 20:11:00 |
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Chelsea delight at Lucifer signing
The Prince of Darkness has finally completed a £34.4m plus Jose Mourhino's soul move from French club Lyon to Premiership champions Chelsea.
Beelzeebub, 3068, has signed a five-year deal and becomes the Stamford Bridge club's record signing.
"I wanted him because I was looking for a player to finish what is a very strong squad in every position," said Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho. "As the world's leading lord of Darkness i now know that we will put fear into the very souls of the opposition, and my eternal torment in the pits of Hades is a small price to pay".
"We believe he is the best we can get for his position and he can play anywhere in this realm or the netherworld, useful for away games in the Midlands."
He added: "Despite his age, he has a lot of ambition and he has the profile of the player we want, very much in the mould of Jody Morris
I know the questions will be around the amount of money Chelsea had to spend to bring him here but that is the reality of modern football.
"Big teams only want big players, big players are in big clubs, big clubs want to keep their big players. I'm especially looking forward to seeing him link up with John Terry, who not many people know is in fact part goat."
There had also been recent speculation linking the League champions with Jesus of Nazareth, but a last minute hitch at the medical meant that he stays another season at Real Jerusalem. "Unfortunately while the Son's special ability to be everywhere at once made him possibly the best Goalkeeper in the business, a recurrence of his Stigmata meant we couldn't get the insurance for him, and to be honest his tendency to dissapear for 3 days at a time can be a real problem as the fixture table over Easter is very important to us."
Lucifer, or "Lucy" as he was known in the dressing room has secured a work permit and Chelsea are awaiting international clearance for him to play against Arsenal in the Premiership on Sunday. "Again, we've got the man we wanted - getting the lamb of god to turn up on Sunday's was always going to be a problem".
The midfielder will now become the Blues' record signing, exceeding the £24m they paid Marseille for Muslim striker Allah last summer.
At a press conference, through the stench of suffering and brimstone the new Blues star said: "I wanted to come to the Premiership and now I am very happy.
"I am in love with the Premiership. I am pleased to be with Chelsea.
"It is going to be tough but I am ready to fight for a place in the team.
"I don't think it will be a problem to adapt because I speak the langauge and I have some friends in the team, or at least i expect i will get to know most of them very well in the afterlife.
The Prince of Darkness has finally completed a £34.4m plus Jose Mourhino's soul move from French club Lyon to Premiership champions Chelsea.
Beelzeebub, 3068, has signed a five-year deal and becomes the Stamford Bridge club's record signing.
"I wanted him because I was looking for a player to finish what is a very strong squad in every position," said Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho. "As the world's leading lord of Darkness i now know that we will put fear into the very souls of the opposition, and my eternal torment in the pits of Hades is a small price to pay".
"We believe he is the best we can get for his position and he can play anywhere in this realm or the netherworld, useful for away games in the Midlands."
He added: "Despite his age, he has a lot of ambition and he has the profile of the player we want, very much in the mould of Jody Morris
I know the questions will be around the amount of money Chelsea had to spend to bring him here but that is the reality of modern football.
"Big teams only want big players, big players are in big clubs, big clubs want to keep their big players. I'm especially looking forward to seeing him link up with John Terry, who not many people know is in fact part goat."
There had also been recent speculation linking the League champions with Jesus of Nazareth, but a last minute hitch at the medical meant that he stays another season at Real Jerusalem. "Unfortunately while the Son's special ability to be everywhere at once made him possibly the best Goalkeeper in the business, a recurrence of his Stigmata meant we couldn't get the insurance for him, and to be honest his tendency to dissapear for 3 days at a time can be a real problem as the fixture table over Easter is very important to us."
Lucifer, or "Lucy" as he was known in the dressing room has secured a work permit and Chelsea are awaiting international clearance for him to play against Arsenal in the Premiership on Sunday. "Again, we've got the man we wanted - getting the lamb of god to turn up on Sunday's was always going to be a problem".
The midfielder will now become the Blues' record signing, exceeding the £24m they paid Marseille for Muslim striker Allah last summer.
At a press conference, through the stench of suffering and brimstone the new Blues star said: "I wanted to come to the Premiership and now I am very happy.
"I am in love with the Premiership. I am pleased to be with Chelsea.
"It is going to be tough but I am ready to fight for a place in the team.
"I don't think it will be a problem to adapt because I speak the langauge and I have some friends in the team, or at least i expect i will get to know most of them very well in the afterlife.
